Quickfire round: Love Guaranteed

This film was rubbish. A shallow, childish, and ultimately very weird film about a man who sues a dating website for failing to find love. I mean, it sounds interesting, right? But it wasn’t good.

Susan striking the classic ‘objection!’ pose, in what is one of the more exciting parts of the movie

The trailer looked so impressive. Man shows up in lawyer’s office, asking for help to take advantage of a clause in a mega corp dating agency’s terms that guarantees love, as long as you’ve been on 1,000 dates. This guy did that, somehow. (breakfast, lunch, and dinner, he says).

Alright! David v Goliath! A kickass lawyer! 1,000 dates? Sign me up!

And then you press play and you get this sort of clown music going on in the background. The lawyer rolls up to her office in a battered old car, the handle of which falls off as she shuts it. She shoves it in her bag.

Oh no, it’s one of those Rom Coms. The ones where all the characters must be dosed up on LSD because all of their actions are slightly exaggerated and eccentric. This is the sort of thing you see in kid’s movies except that kids don’t really understand the concept of suing a company so I have no idea why they did it this way.

Anyway, yeah, she’s a great lawyer but she’s too nice because she does everything pro bono and so can’t afford to look after herself. Her client is supposed to be a nice, even charming, guy (no prizes for guessing he’s the plot’s love interest) but when someone walks into your office and says he’s been on 1,000 dates, would you ever – ever – think of them as charming?

I will save you all 90 minutes of your time. For the curious, and this is something I saw coming after about 20 minutes, the case goes to trial and he confesses his love for his lawyer, which means, technically, that he did find love through Love Guaranteed after all. The case is withdrawn. But then… the company pays them the damages anyway (either way they were destined for charity) and wants to make them the ‘new face’ of the company???

???

That’s it. That’s the review.

363w.

What I thought about: Teenage Bounty Hunters

This show about, well, bounty hunters who happen to be teenagers, has the same energy as Netflix’s Insatiable. That is to say, it’s random, doesn’t make sense, and is probably, technically, not a very good show. And yet, somehow, being drawn so much to the characters makes me want a sequel.

Looking far too happy, given the situation

What’s it about?
Actually, you know what? The title is misleading. The trailer even more so. I was led to believe that the show would start out with the main characters – twin sisters Sterling and Blair – already being seasoned bounty hunters. Instead, they stumble into the world of bounty hunting by virtue of being white, living in Atlanta, and thereby knowing how to shoot a gun. The girls help a stereotypical ‘old, tired, wise, and fed up’ character, Bowser, apprehend a bail skip.

They split the cash with Bowser but beg him for more work to pay for repairs to their Dad’s truck which they wrecked earlier on. I would like to say that the rest of the show sees the twins in various scenarios hunting down bail skips with a great deal of comedic violence, but bounty hunting is only about 30% of this show. The rest of the screen time is dedicated to the girls’ relationship issues with both their partners and their family, including an incredibly shaky family-secret plot that really doesn’t stack up.

What do I like about it?
The chemistry between the twins is fantastic (the actors are not actually related IRL) and despite the weird, disappointing, plot, you can’t help but be drawn to them. It is also funny in parts, and I suppose I have to give credit to the show’s creator for shining a light on the weird little part of society that is hyper-religious upper middle class Atlanta, not something you really see in television.

What do I not like about it?
Pretty much everything else. Like I said, the plot just doesn’t work. It’s too absurd in some ways, and too serious in others. There’s no equilibrium. The trailer also massively oversells the content of the show – I can count on one hand the number of bail skips they actually apprehend. Too much of the plot is mired in this bizarrely fake-feeling emotional turmoil experienced by the twins and their peers at school.

And don’t even get me started on the series finale. The writers kept everything so incredibly coy up until the final episode that the number of twists and turns occurring in it don’t have nearly as much satisfaction as they would if they were paced correctly throughout the show.

Worth a watch?
I know the show has some important undertones for some people, and there’s a lot of hype on social media for it. Unfortunately, from a technical standpoint, I just can’t recommend it. The story ruins it, the trailer massively oversells it.

By the way…

  • The show was going to be called Slutty Teenage Bounty Hunters, which would have served basically no purpose
  • There’s a lot of Christianity in this show and honestly it’s just weird in 2020

523w

What I thought about: Elite (Season 3)

The scandal-hit students of Las Encinas are back. Once again, someone has ended up dead. Although the show’s many side plots are somewhat weaker than earlier seasons, its overarching strengths mean this season is still a must-watch.

You find out what they’re all looking at by Episode 2

What’s it about?
A quick recap of Elite in general: Sixth-formers at a prestigious fee-paying school get up to all sorts of scandalous stuff, but this gets taken to a new level when three comparatively poor kids from the local (now demolished) comprehensive get in on a scholarship. The elite kids can’t handle this invasion, and all hell breaks loose.

Each series is centred around a whodunnit that employs a flash-forward structure to build the viewer up to the final episode. But it’s also so much more than that. Elite has covered a staggering array of topics in its three-season run. The rich/poor divide, trophy wives, cancer, religion, polyamory, same-sex parenting, corruption, fraud, drugs, extortion, murder, sex, and even incest. And I’ve probably only recalled half of them.

I don’t want to spoil earlier seasons, so I can’t say much else about the plot. If you’ve seen earlier seasons of Elite, you can be assured this one is quite similar.

What do I like about it?
Those topics I was talking about? Each one is covered beautifully. Seriously, everything in this show is beautifully done. The scenery, the wardrobing, the casting, the music, the camera shots. Side note on the casting: I’m not ashamed to say that every single character is overwhelmingly attractive.

To be entirely honest, most of the season ran through without much of a surprise. The incidents that happen in Elite are only shocking the first time – so I’m a bit numb to them by season 3. But the final episode is something special. The tension in the club, the words cutting deeper than the broken neck of the champagne bottle, the final send-off. A few minutes are all it takes to illustrate just how deeply the characters are connected to each other. As a fan of the show from the start, it has to be my favourite episode so far.

What do I not like about it?
A potentially unpopular opinion: I didn’t care for Ander’s cancer diagnosis (hardly a spoiler, it happens near the start). In general, the relationship between Ander and Omar was frustrating. I know the show really wants to portray their relationship as some beautiful and delicate thing, but almost every conversation between them resulted in one getting pissed off, and usually pretty quickly, too.

Also, if there’s one person who can be said to be the main character, it’s Samu. In almost every show I’ve ever watched, the main character sucks. This is no exception. He flip flops between good and evil, all whilst being very annoying about it.

Worth a watch?
Absolutely, and especially so if you’ve seen any other season of the show.

By the way…

  • The show has been renewed for 4th and 5th season, but with most of the cast replaced. I’m really sad to see them go, but you can’t keep everyone together after they graduate, can you?
  • I have lots of opinions about this show so, if you want to chat with me about them, please do.

555w