Quickfire round: Love Guaranteed

This film was rubbish. A shallow, childish, and ultimately very weird film about a man who sues a dating website for failing to find love. I mean, it sounds interesting, right? But it wasn’t good.

Susan striking the classic ‘objection!’ pose, in what is one of the more exciting parts of the movie

The trailer looked so impressive. Man shows up in lawyer’s office, asking for help to take advantage of a clause in a mega corp dating agency’s terms that guarantees love, as long as you’ve been on 1,000 dates. This guy did that, somehow. (breakfast, lunch, and dinner, he says).

Alright! David v Goliath! A kickass lawyer! 1,000 dates? Sign me up!

And then you press play and you get this sort of clown music going on in the background. The lawyer rolls up to her office in a battered old car, the handle of which falls off as she shuts it. She shoves it in her bag.

Oh no, it’s one of those Rom Coms. The ones where all the characters must be dosed up on LSD because all of their actions are slightly exaggerated and eccentric. This is the sort of thing you see in kid’s movies except that kids don’t really understand the concept of suing a company so I have no idea why they did it this way.

Anyway, yeah, she’s a great lawyer but she’s too nice because she does everything pro bono and so can’t afford to look after herself. Her client is supposed to be a nice, even charming, guy (no prizes for guessing he’s the plot’s love interest) but when someone walks into your office and says he’s been on 1,000 dates, would you ever – ever – think of them as charming?

I will save you all 90 minutes of your time. For the curious, and this is something I saw coming after about 20 minutes, the case goes to trial and he confesses his love for his lawyer, which means, technically, that he did find love through Love Guaranteed after all. The case is withdrawn. But then… the company pays them the damages anyway (either way they were destined for charity) and wants to make them the ‘new face’ of the company???

???

That’s it. That’s the review.

363w.

Quick-fire round: The End of the Fucking World (Season 2)

We saw the true nature of both lead characters play out in full during the first season, so what did this season bring to keep us engaged? Not a lot, really.

A new character and perhaps the only interesting thing about this season

The thing that attracted me to the original season of this show was the insane premise – a boy who meets a girl and plans to kill her. Thing is, we know that’s not happening now. We know he likes her, and we know he’s not really all that psychopathic. The ending to the first season was quite epic. At the time, I really wanted a second season. But in hindsight, they really could have just left it there.

The show tries to keep the story alive by introducing a newly psychopathic character. But it all loops back to the same story, and the side plots are quite weak. The show felt very slow-moving, even for half-hour episodes.

You’ll no doubt have watched this already if you were a die-hard fan of the first season. If you’re new to the series – give the first one a watch, I highly recommend it. But you can stop it there.

200w

What I thought about: Midsommar

This one had been sitting on my to-watch list for a while. I can’t say that I care any more about it after having finally gotten round to watching it.

Just like the movie – visually stunning, but you’re still unimpressed

What’s it about?
A college student, her nearly-estranged boyfriend, and his friends are invited to attend a midsummer celebration at one of the friends’ ancestral commune in Halsingland, Sweden. Effectively a cult of sorts, the Hågra believe a lot of really weird shit.

After initially receiving a warm welcome, the group become increasingly disturbed at the traditions of the Hågra, and this escalates as they are encouraged (or forced) to join in with some of them.

What do I like about it?
It’s visually quite good. Most of the scenes take place outdoors in lush green fields, and there are a lot of pretty flower crowns and what not going on. Also, there are some really well detailed gorey bits. Not wanting to spoil any plot here, but most of the ‘horror’ aspect of this film is found in the rather sickening scenes which, shall we just say, involve human flesh.

To be fair to the movie, it also performs well at being plain weird whilst also being, in a sense, coherent. It’s as if the writers got together and thought “what really crazy stuff can we put in here and for it to still make a little bit of sense?”

What do I not like about it?
It’s slow, and to be honest I’m not really sure what the point of it is. Maybe I’m just the type of person that prefers more action, something a bit more hands-on.

A lot of the bad stuff happens off screen. We see the characters go to bed one minute, and the next there’s a shocking discovery. I suppose it’s required to build up the suspense and keep everyone guessing, but I just found it a bit boring.

Worth a watch?
No. It really isn’t, unless you’re the type of person that’s into really creative films which, to most people, lack purpose. But then, to me, that’s most Oscar-winning films anyway.

By the way…

  • It’s set in Sweden but filmed in Hamburg, for some reason.
  • At one point there’s a lot of nudity, so be careful about that.

385w